Short thoughts of 09/09/16(12:40 AM)

This loneliness is not a feeling; it’s a state of existence. I am not someone who feels lonely. I am loneliness, just as one might embody good or honesty, my soul’s function is loneliness.
And beyond the loneliness, wandering, the sensation of never having a home, of never having a path to follow, and of never accepting myself fully, of never having a home in myself. My soul is homeless.
I wonder, and I wonder, and I wonder.
What if I could really be someone in English, as a professor, or as a philosopher?
What if the apprehension my chemistry causes is because my soul is calling me to some higher purpose?
What if my higher purpose is somewhere in the humanities?
What if writing is my solace, my state of mind?
What if I don’t actually care about living a comfortable life?
What if?
What if?
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.

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