Inactivity is the weapon of the darkness. Now that school is done for good, I have a whole week of nothing. My brain has taken that to mean go to bed at 3 am every morning, eat sweets instead of meals, indulge yourself in other unpleasant ways, and never leave the cage of your room. I spend all day watching TV shows I don’t even like because for whatever reason actual emotional connection terrifies me.
But like always nobody is here to save me from my ways. My closest friend is gone this week, and no other friend has the emotional capacity to deal with this sort of self destruction. Like always I realize that nobody is going to save me.
I realize that I have to save myself. I am often stuck in these dark patterns, but slowly I am gaining the emotional resilience to free myself. I am not at full capacity, but I’m working to get there. It may be true that there is nobody there for me at times, but I am strong. I’m strong enough to be okay without other people. And I’m strong enough to free myself. This I believe, and I will keep you updated
Things I have been doing to free myself:
Started working on my art again, started watching a show I feel an actual emotional connection to, talked to my future roommate, went to the mall with a friend to physically leave my toxic environment, set up a date to watch my absolute favorite TV show with a friend, so I don’t back out of watching the season I’ve been waiting a year to watch because of my emotional state.
Things I will start doing: going to bed before 12, waking up at a set time, going on a no sugar diet, doing yoga and running in the mornings, doing at least 1 art study a day, doing facial exercises I’ve been wanting to do for a year, and setting up another opportunity to leave the house.